The Aroma of Brokenness

It's one of those ideas that just seems to be sticking with me. A couple of weeks ago, I spoke from 2 Corinthians 12:7 - 10 about the aroma of brokenness (you can listen to the message on our website). At the time, I had a sense that if I just lingered in the Spirit's presence long enough and meditated on this passage, it could be life-changing. I told our church that I didn't want to move on from that place too quickly, so I could make sure that I "got it." A lot of the inspiration for that message came from Peter Scazzero's book, "The Emotionally Healthy Church." He's written a related book, "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality." I recommend both.

I guess it's because I'm in one of those seasons in life right now where everything is a lot of work. I can honestly say that there isn't one area where I am coasting. Life is good, make no mistake. I'm healthy, have a wonderful family and the depth of my love for Christ is deepening almost daily. I also pastor a great group of people. Really great. But everything, well, almost everything, is hard. God seems to be testing me, refining me and even fortifying me. Ruth and I have four daughters and they're entering the teen years. Our church is remodeling its building and I find my time easily taken up with "construction issues." My heart is, at times, bored and listless. I sometimes wonder if I'm making a difference. Retirement, though still about 20 years away, has popped up on the horizon. I wonder if I'm as far along as I should be. I sometimes feel like I disappoint God.

And so, there are significant areas of my life where I have some deep questions and even disquiet. And that really bothered me, until I spent some time with Paul and his thorn in the flesh. I know some people think they know what this thorn was, but I'm not sure we can say with certainty. When I look at the context, it could have been physical, moral or even emotional. And I think that vagueness on the part of God is intentional. The bottom line is that it was tormenting Paul and was a serious threat to him. But it was exactly that desperate situation that God used to keep Paul true to the cross and in love with Christ.

And that's the bottom line for me: My failures, frailties, questions, doubts, fears, sin and even sadness sometimes, can be (if I'll let them) God's gifts, personally given to me, to keep me in love with Jesus. I love Him so much.

God has given me the grace to keep everything in perspective and it's beautiful. But I am learning to embrace my thorns as gifts and as things to be treasured. As I allow myself to be broken, I am praying that the aroma of Jesus will fill the space around me.